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condom - protection against viruses and prevention of child processes
condom [options] [processid]
condom provides protection against System Transmitted Viruses (STVs) that may invade your
system. Although the spread of such viruses across a network can only be abated by aware
and cautious users, condom is the only highly effective means of preventing viruses from
entering your system (see celibacy(1)). Any data passed to condom by the protected
process will be blocked, as specified by the value of the -s option (see OPTIONS below).
condom is known to defend against the following viruses and other malicious afflictions:
· Herpes Simplex (genital varieties)
· Genital warts
When used alone or in conjunction with pill(1), sponge(1), foam(1), and/or setiud(3),
condom also prevents the conception of a child process. If invoked from within a
synchronous process, condom has, by default, an 80% chance of preventing the external
processes from becoming parent processes (see the -s option below). When other process
contraceptives are used, the chance of preventing a child process from being forked
becomes much greater. See pill(1), sponge(1), foam(1), and setiud(3) for more
If no options are given, the current user's login process (as determined by the
environment variable USER) is protected with a Trojan rough-cut latex condom without a
reservoir tip. The optional ``processid'' argument is an integer specifying the process
NOTE: condom may only be used with a hard disk. condom will terminate abnormally with
exit code -1 if used with a floppy disk (see DIAGNOSTICS below).
The following options may be given to condom:
brands are as follows:
The valid materials are:
WARNING! The membrane option is not endorsed by the System Administrator
General as an effective barrier against certain viruses. It is supported
only for the sake of tradition.
The following flavors are currently supported:
-r Toggle reservoir tip (default is no reservoir tip)
strength is an integer between 20 and 100 specifying the resilience of condom
against data passed to condom by the protected process. Using a larger value of
strength increases condom's protective abilities, but also reduces interprocess
communication. A smaller value of strength increases interprocess communication,
but also increases the likelihood of a security breach. An extremely vigorous
process or one passing an enormous amount of data to condom will increase the
chance of condom's failure. The default strength is 80%.
Valid textures are:
(provides smoother interaction between processes)
WARNING: The use of an external application to condom in order to reduce friction between
processes has been proven in benchmark tests to decrease condom's strength factor! If
execution speed is important to your process, use the ``-t lubricated'' option.
condom terminates with one of the following exit codes:
-1 An attempt was made to use condom on a floppy disk.
0 condom exited successfully (no data was passed to the synchronous process).
1 condom failed and data was allowed through. The danger of transmission of an STV
or the forking of a child process is inversely proportional to the number of other
protections employed and is directly proportional to the ages of the processes
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